I find myself alone
by Runway908
Summary: I find myself alone in this world and I'm very sad. Everyone has abandoned me and I am truly alone. I have nobody to talk too, to confide in and share my problems with. I have nobody to cheer me up when I'm down, nobody to love or love me back. I have nobody, I am alone in this world.
1. first sight

**A/N: PLEASE GIVE IT A TRY! And comment. i know it may suck...so please tell me if it does and ill try to make it better :).**

BPOV

I sat in my teni tiny apartment and thought about how I here. I used to have a family and friends and people who loved me. now I had a fish named Joe, no friends to cheer me up when im sad. No family to tell me they loved me. I was utterly alone in the world.

I missed being loved and cared for. Although I dont really remember what it feels like. Ive been alone for 8 years; im 19. I still remember them... my mom and dad. My mom had light brown hair and hazel eyes. She was crazy and a kid at heart ut i loved her. My dad was the polar opposite of her in personality, he was reserved and shy like me. He had short wavy dark Brown hair and chocolate Brown eyes. we had so much fun together. I remember the day my dad sat up a swingset for me. It was eairly in the summer and i had begged for one for weeks.

F_alshback_

"daddy, can i please have a swingset." I asked fot the millionth time.

"come here sweet heart I have somthing to show you."

"ok daddy" he took me to the back yard and I couldnt belive it there was a brand new swingset. I screamed

"thank you thank you daddy i love you." we played on it all day.

_end of flashback_

That was the last time he told me he loved me before my mom died. He went crazy and started abusing me. I have a ton of scars all over my body. he raped me and cut me. He would cut of my air flow and smack me until i passed out. He id that every day for 4years il he overdosed and died.

I ran away and lived on the sreets. I still went to school and got a job when i was able. Nobody ever really liked me because I was shy and always wore baggy clothes to contain my scars and cuts. I and put down everyday. That happened everyday until I graduated and n got a job at a coffee shop. No one liked me there always tripping me and calling ne names. I wished i knew what I did to deserve all this.

I shook my head comming out of my painful past memories. It was time for work. Time for hurtfulness and pain and all the bimbos.

I left my crappy apartment and headed to work. But being clumsy me I tripped and fell into a man. I looked up at him and cringed. I had a slight faer of men... ok, big fear of men, but who could blame me.

He had piercing blue eyes and blond hair."watch out bitch" my eyes watered and I muttered out an apology and scurried off. time to work. I spent the whole afternoon tripping and watching people with successful lives walk throgh tje coffee shop.

Right before i left a gorgeous man with striking green eyes and bronze hair came in.

"hi, um could I have a chocolate mocha please?"

he was perfect."sure, is that all?"

"yes" I bet whoever he had loved him very much. unless hes single.

_stop it Bella no one could ever want you whore._

__my dads voice constantly mocked me. I hated him for doing this to me. I needed to snap out of it and get the coffee.

I made his coffee and handed it to him. "thank you very much" Mr. handsome said as he paid. "keep the change"

"thanks"i said. he gave me a crooked smile and left. He was on my mind for the rest of the night. and as I went to bed just like every other, I cried. I cried for my mom who ill never see again. And i cried because I would probably r get my happy ending.

But even after I had cried myself to sleep I still drempt of the stranger.


	2. shocked

**CHAPTER 2**  
**I hope you like it and please comment. I've never had a comment before**

.

B POV

I woke up same as usual, my eyes stuck together from all the crying. I went and washed my face and took a shower, after I got out I put on my usual baggy sweats and t-shirt. no make up, and a messy bun. Not bothering to look in the mirror, knowing I would hate what I saw.

On occasion I would glace at my reflection, but I always hated what I saw. because what I saw was a shell of what one was a fun loving happy person.

I didn't know what I was going to do today. I didn't have work,.so I guess I would just do some chores and then go to the library.I loved the library. it was my escape from everything. I could just get lost in a sea of fairytales and romance. when I was reading didn't think about my pathetic life, only about the secrets and love and loss that the book gave me.

thinking about how I would get to go to the library I scurried to the kitchen. and after eating breakfast I set off on washing the dishes, sweeping,mopping, dusting, vacuuming, and all the other chores.

Once I was done I put on my shoes, grabbed my keys and tyres to make to my car as fast as I could. because you see, my particular area were my home was wasn't the safest place in the world. there was robberies and kidnapping and killings about twice a month.

thankfully I made it and nothing happened to me. it's only happens a few times that I would be grabbed on my way out and yanked into some apartment only to be cut and raped.

I hated this naborhood and apartment but I couldn't really do any thing about it I barely  
had enough money to to keep the bills paid and food on the table.

I just hoped it would get better one day and I wouldn't be like this, afraid of my own shadow. but for the time being I try to at least get through another day.

after about 15 minutes of self wallowing I pulled up to the grocery store. I walked in grabbed a buggy** (a/n: if your wondering what that is its just what I call a grocery cart.)** and started filling it with all my necessitys. I was picking up tampons when a man started talking to me and I was this man talking to me, what did he want.

"Do I know you."he asked. I looked up to meet his eyes and gasped. it was the man from yesterday. the man with striking green eyes and beautiful bronze hair. I started to wonder how he remembered me I mean all I did what made him coffee. I then realized I was just staring at him and decided I needed to answer.

"um yes, made you coffee yesterday." I barely whispered. how stupid was I did I what to get hurt. but there was just something about him that I just couldn't place that made me want to know him.

"oh yea coffee girl." I guess that was better than whore or slut. "the names Edward, Edward Cullen." what a nice name. I was still just staring at him until I gather my thoughts and answered.

"Bella, Bella swan." still just a whisper. I couldn't believe that such a God was talking to ME and not calling me names or trying to rape me.

"that's a beautiful name Bella. sorry to be so forward but would you like to go out to lunch with me tomorrow?" he looked so nervous and cute that I just couldn't say no I wasn't even thinking about the consequences of this and just blurted out

"yes." I wasn't even whispering at this point. but after realizing what I just done I blushed and looked down. He chuckled and started talking.

"ok, thank you what do you say to lunch at olive garden tomorrow?" he was smiling down at me.

"ok, um is that very fancy, I've never been." back to the whispering. Edward just stared shocked at my answer.

"NEVER been well there is a shock, looked like your in for a surprise tomorrow. But to answer your question um it not to casual but not fancy either. sso I think jeans and shirt would suffice." Great were was I going to find a shirt that wasn't old and worn. I didn't really have the money for it right now. hmm I guess I could just gart a little less food and save some of the money to get a nicer shirt.

"um, ok" I sas if still shy.

"how about I pick you up tomorrow at noon?" he said but I was quick to tell him I would just meet him there. I did not want to see my whole in the wall apartment.

"um, no I just meet you there." he looked slightly baffled but agreed. and with that he left with promises of meeting for lunch the next day.

I was checking out in the self scan place when I realized what I had just done. i I had just set myself up for pain. because I knew once he got to know me he drop me faster than you can say penguin. But it was to late to cancel now so I will go and see what happens.

I spent the rest of my day lost in my wonderland, the library. but I couldn't really concentrate because I was to busy worrying about the date and what would happen.I was shocked that HE would want ME. but some part of me deep down was telling me that this was a good thing and it was AND would be fun.

filling it with all my necessitys. I was picking up tampons when a man started talking to me and I was this man talking to me, what did he want.

"Do I know you."he asked. I looked up to meet his eyes and gasped. it was the man from yesterday. the man with striking green eyes and beautiful bronze hair. I started to wonder how he remembered me I mean all I did what made him coffee. I then realized I was just staring at him and decided I needed to answer.

"um yes, made you coffee yesterday." I barely whispered. how stupid was I did I what to get hurt. but there was just something about him that I just couldn't place that made me want to know him.

"oh yea coffee girl." I guess that was better than whore or slut. "the names Edward, Edward Cullen." what a nice name. I was still just staring at him until I gather my thoughts and answered.

"Bella, Bella swan." still just a whisper. I couldn't believe that such a God was talking to ME and not calling me names or trying to rape me.

"that's a beautiful name Bella. sorry to be so forward but would you like to go out to lunch with me tomorrow?" he looked so nervous and cute that I just couldn't say no I wasn't even thinking about the consequences of this and just blurted out

"yes." I wasn't even whispering at this point. but after realizing what I just done I blushed and looked down. He chuckled and started talking.

"ok, thank you what do you say to lunch at olive garden tomorrow?" he was smiling down at me.

"ok, um is that very fancy, I've never been." back to the whispering. Edward just stared shocked at my answer.

"NEVER been well there is a shock, looked like your in for a surprise tomorrow. But to answer your question um it not to casual but not fancy either. sso I think jeans and shirt would suffice." Great were was I going to find a shirt that wasn't old and worn. I didn't really have the money for it right now. hmm I guess I could just gart a little less food and save some of the money to get a nicer shirt.

"um, ok" I sas if still shy.

"how about I pick you up tomorrow at noon?" he said but I was quick to tell him I would just meet him there. I did not want to see my whole in the wall apartment.

"um, no I just meet you there." he looked slightly baffled but agreed. and with that he left with promises of meeting for lunch the next day.

I was checking out in the self scan place when I realized what I had just done. i I had just set myself up for pain. because I knew once he got to know me he drop me faster than you can say penguin. But it was to late to cancel now so I will go and see what happens.

I spent the rest of my day lost in my wonderland, the library. but I couldn't really concentrate because I was to busy worrying about the date and what would happen.I was shocked that HE would want ME. but some part of me deep down was telling me that this was a good thing and it was AND would be fun.

**a/n: THANK YOU FOR READING AND SERIOUSLY I HAVE NEVER HAD A COMMENT SO PLEASE LEAVE ONE EVEN IF ITS JUST TO TELL ME THAT THE STORY SUCKS. :**)


	3. pain

**hi agian i know it's been a while since i last updated but thanks to those who commented. i appreciate it. **

B pov

I was getting ready for my date with Edward when my door burst open.

I knew what this meant. James was here. You see James was kind of like my father's replacement. He would beat me rape me and cut me for about an hour and then just stand up and leave like it never happened but not before warning me that if I ever told anyone that he would slit my neck deeply and watch me painfully bleed until there was nothing left of me but a corpse.

So I ran for the closest in my bathroom and hoped he wouldn't find me.

He did. He yanked me out of the closest and started talking.

"My sweet sweet Isabella, why would you hide from me, I. would think you would be thankful for what I give you each week, really I'm to nice to you. Your nothing but a worthless piece of garbage. You don't deserve me or what I give you oh so generously."

By now I was in tears. I wish my life was different. I wish I didn't have to endure the pain. But he was right. I was worthless and I couldn't do anything right but I wasn't stupid and knew that no-one should be treated this way.

This went on for almost two hours. He wouldn't stop calling me a slut or whore. And I even acquired a few new cuts, some were huge, some were small. The larger ones ran down my back and stomach. While the smaller ones went just about everywhere.

While he was rapeing me I was sure that he tore something I couldn't be sure because I had to hurry and get ready I had to meet Edward in 45 min.

I got ready in a hurry. Wincing every so often in pain. But I wouldn't let this stop me. This is the first good thing to happen to me in years and I was so excited...well as excited as you can be after just being cut,raped, and hit.

Within the next 30 min I was showered and headed out the door.

I knew I would be late so I tried to go as fast as could without getting a ticket. As I pulled up to the restraunt I breathed a sigh of relief as only being 6  
Min. Late.

I looked around to see if he was waiting outside, but didn't sed him so I guess he just got cold wand went inside.

I walked Olive garden and timidly asked the lady at the front if a Edward Cullen had come in yet.

He hadn't. My heart sunk.

I guess he doesn't want me after all. I thought.

But I couldn't really say that cause actually late to so I decided to wait for him to see if he came. I waited all night for him to walk through that door.

He never came so at midnight I drove home in tears. It's funny when you think about it. When I woke up this morning I expected that right now I would be talking and laughing with the guy of my dreams.

But sadly no, I'm afraid I'll be alone forever only to get the shit beaten out of me every week by James for the rest of my life. It was at that moment that there was a tap at my window. I was at a stop light.

In that moment o have no idea what I was doing but without looking up I rolled down my window and slowly looked up only to find...

**I would like to apologize in advance for all the mistakes.**

**Also...**  
**7 comments=update tomorrow**  
**4 comments=update in a week**  
**3 comments= 2weeks**  
**THANKS.:**)


	4. decision

**sorry for yalls long wait but since school is over I'll try to post regularly. **

**Enjoy!**

...

I stayed in my car for a second after I heard the tap tacking a deep breath. What if someone was going to murder me. Or kidnap me and tortured me. I would have no one To cry for me or through a funeral no one To say that I was a good person or that they'll miss me.

"Bella?"the person asked and I knew I'd heard that voice before. I let go of the breath I'd been holding and rolled the window down.

"What are you doing here your going to get yourself killed get in the car." I whispered. He ran across the front of the car and hoped in.

"Bella I need to talk to you..."

"Hold on I'm going to drive back to the coffee shop, then we can talk" I said

"Ok" I barely heard. After a while we arrived.

"Ok what did you need to say?" He opened his mouth to talk but I cut him off for the second time tonight."was it that you think I'm hideous and stupid. Do you think I'm an idiot, was this a bet" tears started streaming down my face.

"Bella I... I know I'm late. Really late but I had a family emergency and I had to be there..." then he took a big breath. "I'd understand if you never wanted to see me again, and I'm so so sorry if I hurt you too bad."

He started to get out but I called out to him

"Wait..."he froze with one foot out the door. He turned to me and I whispered "Just let me think for a second." He barely nodded. I thought about how life would be with him, with a companion to help me through my rough patches.

I had made up my mind. I was not about to let go of the first good thing to ever happen to me. I looked him in the eye a said,

"Edward... I understand why you were late and I forgive you, family first right?" I smiled at him so he knew I wasn't mad before continuing. "I'm not about to go into depth about how horrible my life has been so far but I think It's starting to look up and it is all because of you." I sighed "when you didn't show up tonight I thought you hated me and this was all a joke because we have only met what ...twice? I hope this isn't too much for you considering we've only..." then he kissed me.

It was soft but filled with how much he cared. I never thought you could feel this much with people you just met.

When the kiss ended he stopped looked at me, smiled and said softly

"Bella, I don't know how it's been for you but promise which all my heart to try to make it better. I want to know you. I want to know what makes you happy and sad and scarred." The way he looked at me, with those passion filled eyes made my heart skip a beat. And I knew in that moment that I couldn't give up. That I wouldn't give up.

"Bella I know we can make this work if you give us a chance. Will you...please?" He practically begged me.

"Edward, I think you already know my answer... I will try"

...

**I hope u liked . I will be posting another long chapter later since y'all had to wait so long. Sorry for the errors.**


	5. a night to remember

**hey so I've got another chapter. I hope you enjoy it and leave thoughts and suggestions please. :)**

**ENJOY!**

...

**bpov**

His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. I Thought I should continue before thinks got out of hand.

"But..." I said and that light in his eyes disappeared.

"Edward,..." I took a deep breath before speaking "...I come with a lot of baggage and I want to be with you but I'm not sure you'll want to be with me after I tell you..." he interrupted.

"Yes I will, I will still want to, I've wanted to since I first saw you." I smiled up at him still a little apprehensive, but went along with it anyways. We stood like that until he broke the silence. "So...do you want to go in?" Then an idea struck me.

"Actually...I was wondering if you want to go somewhere?"

"Sure" then he stuck out his arm just like an old time gentleman would and said. "Shall we?" I giggled.

"Lets." I said through a big cheesy smile. I felt a lightheartedness I hadn't felt in forever.

We then walked over to his car deciding I could come get mine tonight or tomorrow.

He drove while I gave him directions in the otherwise silent car. As we arrived I started to get antsy and nervous. Worrying he would think it was stupid and hideous. But I didn't want that to ruin my mood so I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and just focused on him.

I couldn't push it out completely so I was still a little shaky when we got out of the car to walk the last few feet before we got there.

We had finally arrived at my security place I cautiously at him to see what he thought.

"So THIS is it." I whispered shakily he stared at incredulously. I started to think he hated it and flinched not him hit me until he said...

"An old abandoned drive in theater...it's perfect I've never been to one of these. I love it." I smiled to big I think all of my teeth showed.

"Really?"

"Yeah Bella, really." He gently said before taking my hand and led me back to the car. I was curious as to why we were going back to the car but didn't say anything not wanting to ruin the moment. He pulled the car forward then cut the engine and got out coming over to my side and opening the door for me. He took my hand again and walked us around to the front of his car. Proceeding then to pick me up and sit me on the hood. He came and sat down next to me laying down. I followed his pursuit and played down.

We just played there for awhile staring at the twinkling stars. They looked so beautiful in the night sky...almost magical. All the sudden Edward spoke up.

"Bella?"he asked.

"Yeah Edward?" I asked

"I need to ask you something." He said somewhat cautiously.

"What is it?" I whispered shakily. He looked me right in the eye and said...

"Bella..."

...

**so...that was it. Tell me what you think so far PLEASE.**

**:)**


	6. goodnight, bad morning

**ENJOY I put this one up faster yay but I hope you like it :).**

...

"Bella can I kiss you?"I was shocked he actually wanted to kiss ME. All.I could think is that this was a dream and i would wake up at any second beaten and bleeding. But I didn't chance and said yes with more enthusiasm than needed. Edward just chuckled and leaned in to kiss me.

The kiss was magical. Soft sweet but filled with all he felt for me. And even though this was not our first kiss it was our first softer kiss and cherished it every second.

When he pulled away I was breathless and panting. All I could could say was, "wow." Again he laughed at me and repeated me saying,

"Yeah,wow". I thought about how little I knew about him and decided to ask him few questions.

"Edward?"I asked

"Yes?"

"What's your favorite color?" He looked at me as if I'd grown two heads. "What?" I asked confused by his stare.

"That was a little random don't you think?"he asked through a grin.

"Well yeah but I was thinking about how we barely know anything about each other so I was going to ask some. You know get to know each other."

"Alright then let's play twenty questions. You ask me a question and I'll answer honestly then you answer it as well." I thought I could live with that so I agreed.

"So answer my question, what's your favorite color?"

"Ummm...I'd have to say brown."that should me a little because brown Is such dull and boring color. I mean it's the color of shit.

"Why brown, it's a nasty color no one likes brown." I said rather confused. He didn't answer that just said,

"Only one question at a time baby."He said making my heart flutter with the 'baby' part of that sentence.

"Ok, fine mine is green." It used to be blue until you came along. I said to myself."your turn"

"Ok, what's it favorite animal?"

"Horse,and yours"

"Lion"and that's how then next hour or two passed just asking each other random stupid question that had no reason. soon it was around 4 am and we decided it was time to go home.

On the way their I started to panic. My house was no mansion and James might be waiting for me at the apartment. What was I going to do? What was I going to tell Edward? Shawn he saw where I lived would he get scared and grossed out and run away from me? I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

This panicking went on for another few minutes before I decided to ask Edward to let me out at the corner. But of course Edward being Edward said no that he wanted to walk me to my door like a gentleman.

"Please Edward please just let me out now."finally he did and I was very grateful.

" Ok, but next Time I get to walk you to your house."I smiled at his sweetness.

"Ok Edward you can. I'll see you at the coffee shop tomarrow?"I asked hopefully

"Yes you most certainly will" with that we kissed goodnight and I walked to my apartment. James wasn't there so I was safe for a night.

I think that was the first night since my mom died that I didn't cry myself to sleep.

...

The next morning wasn't so bad I ate a bagel on my way to the coffee shop and I didn't even trip.

When I got into work however things were a different story. The girls triped me all morning and I spilt someone's stuff all over another customer. And I just couldn't seem to get anything right.

On the bright side Edward came in for his usual and we talked for little bit until he had to go. unfortunately after he boss called me into his office.

My boss, Billy, was a pretty nice man. He has helped me out on a few occasions when I needed a little support so I wasn't to scared to in his office.

"Morning Billy what's up"his face was sad.

"Bella... we have to make some budget cuts and ummm you were the last hired so everyone wants me to fire you." He mumbled so quietly I could barely hard it all but what I caught made me want to scream and cry all at once.

"Are you...foreign me?"I asked mg voice sighed.

" I'm so sorry Bella, I don't know what to tell you." I rubbed my hands on my face wondering how I could have been in such a good mood this morning and it all came crashing down.

I begged him asking if there was anything I could do to stay here. Telling him that I didn't have another job and nowhere around here would hire someone who never went to college. By then I had huge fat tears streaming down my face and Billy looked like he wanted to cry to.

"I'm am so certainly sorry Bella all I can do is give you your last paycheck and wish you luck. I hope to see you again someday, when your happy and have a great life and job because I know that's where your headed your a very smart girl Bella I wish you nothing but the best. He smiled sadly at me a few tears coming out of his eyes.

I nodded and whispered,"thank you Billy." Gave him a hug and packed my things before leaving.

All I could think is where do I go now?

...

**ok so here's another. Told you I'd be updating faster . I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you would like to leave me any suggestions or comments they are very much appreciated.**


	7. getting help

**HEY GUYS! I made you anther chapter. **

**ENJOY!**

...

I picked up a newspaper and brought it home so I could look for any job openings. Their were none. I wasn't really surprised the economy had been horrific lately and it was just a matter of time before it took its blow on me.

Since their were no jobs in the newspaper I decided to look for a job by foot. Walking what feels like miles did not fun especially when it's all for nothing. Nobody was hireing and I was beginning to loose hope of finding a job. Everything my dad had said to me haunted me that money as I sat on a bench in the park.

He always said I would be a failure. That I was worthless. And in that moment I couldn't help but think he was right. silent tears poured down my face when I remembered Edward was going to meet me at the coffee shop at 4:00 to go with me to pick up my truck. I checked my watch. 3:37 it read.

Great so I had less than half an hour to somehow find my way back to the coffee shop.

I knew sitting their would help nothing so I stood up and sprinted in the opposite direction. I was certainly late by the time I got their but I had made it.

Edward was already there so I walked up to him and give him a hug. I needed one thing to make me feel just a smidge better. He hugged me back before looking down at me taking in my tear stained face and erratic breathing.

"What's wrong baby, what happened?"I did not want him to know ho pathetic I was not even being able to hold down a job at the coffee shop.

"Um...I tripped and cut my knees that's all."I sort of lied. I had fallen and cut myself,but that was not the source of my sadness.

His face said he didn't believe me but he was still worried about me.

"Here let me see." He said as he sat me on the hood of his car inspecting my knees."I think you'll be ok baby let me just clean them up and you'll be good to go." He missed me before rounding the car to get his supplies.

Soon he came back with stuff to clean it with and little band aids. He wiped them clean before putting ducky band aids on them. I giggled, he chuckled.

"Sorry it's the only kind I had."smirking I said

"That's ok there cute"

My car was in the parking lot so I could have got it this morning when I went to work. I personally think Edward coming to help me was his excuse to see me. It felt nice to be wanted.

I knew I'd have to tell Edward that I got fired so he knew I wouldn't be their when he got coffee tomorrow. So when he suggested we go to his house I thought that would be the perfect time to tell him about it.

We drove to his house which took longer than I had expected. We went through some woods before pulling into one of the most beautiful houses I've ever seen. A two story house with big Windows in the front. It was partly wood which only made it prettier.

(Link on my profile)

I must have been drooling or something because Edward laughed and came to open my door.

When we got inside I think I gasped. It was even more heavenly than the outside. There was no way Edward decorated this by himself unless he was secretly a interior designer or gay. I almost laughed at the thought. But that laugh was soon overpowered by the pain or someone else living with Edward a past girlfriend or something.

"Edward did you decorate this yourself?"I had to know.

"No my mom did it but I will say I helped. Why?" Relief washed over me. Thank God it was only his mom. Edward must have noticed my relaxing and asked

"Bella, you know I've never let anyone over to my house besides my family?" I was shocked.

"Really?"

"Yes baby, really. You have no reason to worry."

"Ok" I said feeling like an idiot. I shook it of as I heard Edward ask me a question only catching the end of it.

"… for dinner baby?"

"What?"I asked confused and Edward smirked.

"I said, what would you like for dinner baby?" He said. Did he know how to cook?

"You can cook?"I asked. He shook his head.

"No, but these puppies can get you dinner in under an hour."He said haggling his fingers before picking up the phone. I giggled and told him Chinese.

After he ordered our food I decided to tell him about my job.

"Edward?"'I called after him.

"Yes?"

"Could you come here for a second please?"

"Sure." He called walking into the room before asking, "what's up"

"I have to tell you something." I stated my voice quivering slightly

"What's wrong?" Edward asked worridly

"Umm... you know how I was crying earlier? It wasn't because I fell."

"I figured but what happened that was bad enough to make you cry like that? Did someone hurt you?"

"Umm... no but ummm... I g...got fir..r..r...red today." I said through a few tears, my throught closing up more with every word.

"What...baby that's awful but you have another job right? No one just has a job like that. Their used for side jobs you know for extra money."He said it as though it would be so stupid to only have a job at a coffee shop and that only made me cry worse.

I knew I should have never said anything. I'm such an idiot. And I'm poor and he'll never want a homeless person.

He then realized that that was my only job and said

"Bella...oh baby... that's awful... didn't you go to college so you could have your dream career?"he asked

"I...I couldn't af...ford it s...so, n..no." I said through hiccups.

"Oh baby... how are you going to afford your apartment?" Truthfully I didn't know but I would figure out something I always do. I told myself with conviction.

"I probably can't but don't worry I will figure it out at some point."I said sadly.

"No Bella... I don't want you living on the streets. You could be killed." He sat in thought for a moment"come live with me. I know this is fast but I cannot have you out there alone."

"Edward, I can't burden you like that I'll find something out." I said really not wanting to burden him with me.

"You won't be a burden and I'll sleep on the couch if you want but please Bella, please?"he begged.

"Fine but only until I get a job. And you don't need to sleep on the couch."I didn't want to inconvenience him in his own house.

"Ok, Bella, thank you." Then he kissed me and then the Cornell rang signaling some one was at the door.

Edward went to get the pizza and then we went to eat our dinner.

...

**I think this one is longer but if it's not SORRY I try to make it longer next Time. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Suggestions or comments? Let me know.**


	8. bed time adventures

**hey so their are some lemons in this chapter. :) I hope you like this chapter and please please please leave me at least two reviews.**

**ENJOY!**

We had a great dinner with lively chatter and hand-holding. Briefly after we decided to watch some movies, I picked titanic and Edward picked grown-up with Adam Sandler. We laughed and cried.

When the movies where over I was so tired I felt like I would pass out so I decided that I should go home now,go to bed,pack up all my stuff in the morning ,then come back tomorrow night.

"Hey, Edward, I should probably go home now." No answer. Maybe he's mad that I didn't suggest I stay."I could stay If you want. It's just I thought since I don't have any clothes I should go and I could come back tomorrow."I said all fidgety. But still no answer from Edward.

I turned around to see why he wouldn't answer me and there he was...sound asleep on the couch behind me.

I gave him a kiss on the forehead before slipping out of his arms. I put on my shoes and jacket before looking for a piece of paper so that I could leave him a note. I found one and wrote the letter.

Dear Edward,

I thought I should go home and pack up my stuff to move in. (If you still want me to.) And I don't have any Clothes here anyway. I'm sorry I didn't tell you goodbye but you looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you. I'll meet you at the coffee shop later if you want. Say around 5:00? Sweet dreams Edward.

Goodnight,

Bella

I dropped the pen and started to leave thanking God that we drove here in two separate cars. (A/N: I'm not sure if I said they did or not in the last chapter so let's just pretend they did.) But I didn't get far because as soon as I walked off the porch to my car I heard the front door open and then rushed footsteps in my direction.

I turned around just in time to be almost knocked over by Edward. He hugged me tight not letting me go so I decided to ask,

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"Where are you going?"

"Home?"

"Why?"

"Because I need to pack up my stuff and I don't have any clothes here it just made the most sense to go. I tried to tell you but you were sleeping and you just looked so peaceful that I didn't want to wake you up." I tried to explain.

"Don't please don't?"he said into my neck

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to." He said. He was so adorable.

"How can I say no to that. Ok. I will but I still have nothing to wear." I stated

"You can wear my clothes to bed. I'm sure I have an extra shirt." He seemed pleased with his answer.

"Ok. Let's go I'll pack tomorrow like I planned and then I can move whenever you want."I told him

" I'll help you pack I can just take off work tomorrow."

"Are you sure, my house is defiantly not as nice as yours?"

Not by a long shot.

"You could be living in a paper box for all I care." Yeah, well I think I'd rather be in the box. I said to myself. "Let's go to bed baby, you look so tired." He said slightly worridly.

"I am. I feel like I could sleep anywhere."with that Edward picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waste. I was surprised but to tired to fight back so I just layed my head down on his shoulder. I almost fell asleep before we got inside.

I felt him walking towards his room and lay me down on the bed. I then proceeded to curl into a ball and almost fall asleep before I felt Edward start to take my shirt off and then I was awake. I didn't want him to see my scars.

"Hey your awake. I didn't mean to frighten you and I wasn't trying to do anything I just thought you'd be more comfortable in pajamas. "

"It's ok Edward I know you weren't. But I'm awake now so I'll be right back." I gave him a kiss on the cheek to leg him know I wasn't mad before taking his t-shirt and going to change.

As I was changing I looked at the shirt. It was a baseball Jersey that had the number 12 on the back and said Cullen across my shoulder blades. I smiled at Edward's cuteness.

I made my way back to bed to find a shirtless Edward reading a book. I swooned. Edward had a six pack and defined muscles that quiver when he moved.

I must have been standing there to long cause Edward looked at me strange. I scurried into bed but he was still looking at me weird. I was going to ask him what was wrong but he interrupted me with a kiss. It was hard and passionate and suddenly a moan escaped my lips. I didn't mean for it to but I didn't seem to bother Edward to much as he kept kissing me even harder and more passionate. Pretty soon I was on his lap and we were making out.

I unconsciously bucked my hips forward and that made us both moan. I was beginning to be more aware of a certain thing poking me through my panties.

It was weird how this didn't scare me like it should have.

Actually I kind of liked it and it was obvious that Edward liked it to.

We were both panting and dry humping pretty soon. I heard Edward moan then he licked my lip and I opened my mouth for him. Our toungs we dancing together as were our lower halfs. I started to feel a tightening in my abdomen and got nervous.

Detaching my lips from his I asked, "Edward, what's happening to me?" He seemed surprised but answered,

"Shhh, just let go baby, let it go." He started rocking me faster on his cock and then fused his lips to mine.

That little bundle in my abdomen got tighter and tighter. I was whimpering by know and suddenly a powerful feeling swept over me and I started rocking over Edward really hard as I stripped kissing him and hurried my face in his neck while whimpering.

Edward shushed me and cooed softly in my ear while rubbing my back softly.

After I had calmed down I looked up at his face from his shoulder and said,

"What was that?"I asked amazed and tired.

"That my baby was an orgasm also known as cumming. Have you never had one?" So THAT was what an orgasm was. I had heard of them but never really knew what they were. Suddenly I was embarrassed. I was so inexperienced except bad experiences with James.

"Umm...no but it was amazing." I chuckled softly.

"That's good. We can talk about this tomorrow. You're tired baby go to sleep." He told was I was really tired so I just yawned and nodded before laying my head on his shoulder.

I felt him lay down with me still on top of him and then we both drifted to sleep.

**Did you like or hate ? What do you think should happen next? **

**Ok so two things**

**#1: I would like to thank pmk kelly for reviewing every chapter . YOU ROCK!**

**#2: my goal is two reviews from two different people. **

**Will yall help me reach my goal? :)**


	9. talks and exploring

I woke up to the sounds of birds singing there good morning song and a delicious smell wafting into the bedroom marking my tummy rumble.

Before I got up I remembered where I was and what happened last night. I blushed thinking about it but got up to eat anyway.

I made my way into the kitchen only to find Edward heating up food in only his boxers. I smiled. Then cleared my throat to make my presence known. Edward spun around and had the funniest look on his face that I couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so funny?" He asked

"You...should...have seen...your...face. I snorted out between giggles. Soon as I stopped laughing I looked at Edward who had turned off the stove and was stalking towards me.

"So you thought that was funny did you?"He asked calmly still creeping to me.

"Yes. Yes I did."

"You better run baby."he growled before lunging at me as I darted out of the room. I knew I wouldn't get far considering he about two times taller than me but decided to run anyway.

I hid in one of the cabinets in my bathroom under my sink that I fit in. Surly he wouldn't find me in here.

But what I didn't know was that Edward had been close behind me and saw which room I was in.

"Oh bella."he cooed drawing out my name."I know your in here, I'll find you so you might as well come out know." He was laughing quietly.

I was having trouble not laughing. I couldn't help it. I've always done this. Whenever I would play hide n' seek as a kid I was always the first one could cause I would laugh. Soon I couldn't hold it in anymore and started laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.

Edward opens the cabinet and saw me laughing and he started laughing to.

"You fit in there?" He asked as our laughter died down.

"Yup. It's surprisingly roomy."I said. Edward just chuckled. And said,

"Lets go eat I made bacon, and hash browns." He said. "Which really just means I heated them up." He whispered in my ear. I giggled. He was just so adorable.

So we sat and ate until we were about to burst. For most of the day we just played around. We played chess, cards, and watched movies. And in between we went over to my apartment to get my stuff. Edward didn't react how I expected. He understood why I had to and said that I would never have to again. But we still were quick to get the small amount of things I had.

When dinner time rolled around I asked if we could talk about last night. Edward seemed hesitant but agreed. And that is how we got to were we are now. Edward sitting in the arm chair in the living room with me on his lap. I had my head on his shoulder and he was stroking my hair. I was the first to speak.

"So... about last night..." I didn't really know how to start.

But Edward interrupted me anyways.

"Baby...was that really you first orgasm?" He asked

"Yes."I said straight to the point he kept going.

"Do you have any experience with sexual things?" This was a touchy subject for me considering my own father and James had raped me. but Edward needed to know.

"Umm..." I could already feel the tears but kept going anyways."Yes. I have experience... But it's not good experience." Edward started talking after I was silent for a while.

"Baby,"he said while rubbing my arms."it's ok to be inexperienced. I'll be careful and we won't do anything until your ready."He said and while it was nice he didn't seem to get it. So I tried again.

"No Edward it's not that I haven't had much experience...which I have not...but it's that that those experiences where awful."I kept speaking before he could say anything.

"My dad...h..He raped me when I was a kid."I swallowed thickly not looking into his eyes. Not wanting to see the pity."He did it all the time. And when he died and I moved here...my neighbor, James, he raped me to."I was sobbing by then and Edward was cradling me gently and rocking us slowly.

When he spoke he had venom dripping off his words.

"How dare he. I could kill him. Which neighbor was it I'll go kill him now. That fucking piece of shit. He doesn't deserve to live."Edward spoke harshly as I tried to calm him down.

"Edward, he doesn't matter he's in my past and I'm safe with you now. Calm down." It seemed to be working as he started to relax.

"Fine, but if I ever see him, I'll kill him I swear I will."He said.

"Ok, I think we're done talking."I said. I was tired from my long day and this talk.

"Let's go to bed, I'm tired."I said

"Ok" Edward agreed looking as exhausted as I felt.

We got to the bedroom and I stole one of Edwards shirts. I had my own but I loved wearing his things. I changed quickly and meet a shirtless Edward in bed reading when I got back. I cuddled up to him and played my head on his chest getting comfy.

"Bella, I love you."Edward just said out of the blue. I was shocked I loved him to I just did not expect this. I smiled

Brightly before saying,

"I love you to Edward, so much" he looked at me with so much passion and then he kissed me pouring all his love into that one kiss.

Soon I was on top of him had we were breathing heavy.

"Bella, can I please pleasure you." I knew what he ment I wasn't stupid. So I said

"Please. But only if I can return the favor."

"Deal." he agreed. He started by rubbing my thighs and slowly inching toward my pussy. He noticed I wasn't wearing any panties and his breath hitched.

"Your bare."He commented.

"Mmhmmm" I answered not able to form words at the moment.

He went to work then and started rubbing a spot that felt so good. He called it my button. Before inserting two fingers into my hot core.

"Fuck!" I swore loudly. It was is intense.

"You have such a pretty kitty baby, I could pleasure it all day." He said huskily before continuing. I was about to cum and it felt soo much more intense than yesterday. Soon I was on the edge and was a whimpering and moaning mess.

"Fuck!" I screamed as I came. I felt like I was peeing. It was so intense. When I opened my eyes Edwards chest was wet he was smiling at me. I gasped. Did I just pee on him, shit! I was panicking and hiding my face under trying not to cry. I just peed on Edward after I told him I loved him.

I felt the pillow being pried out of my hands softly. Edward looked at my tear stained face and said,

"Shit, bella that was so sexy." I was so confused. I peed on him and he thought it was sexy.

"Edward, I peed on you. That's not sexy it's gross."He laughed.

"Baby you didn't pee on me. You squirted. You know female ejaculation." He said. I was shocked. I could do that. Wow.

"Oh,wow. I didn't know."I said lamely. Then I remembered something and got a smirk on my face. "My turn." I said and Edward looked so full of lust. He helped me get his pajama pants off and his cock sprang free. It was big I'm not gonna lie but it wasn't like it was overly big. It was perfect.

"Edward, it's just I don't really know what to do."I had never had to do this before."could you show me what to do."

"Fuck yes baby."He said. He took my hand and led it to his cock. He griped it with both our hands and squeezed. He moaned and started moving our hands up and down twisting them slightly at the tip.

He moaned and soon he was cursing.

"Fuck,shit, baby I'm going to cum. Ohh here it comes."I started pumping faster. And soon long thick white spurts were shooting out of his cock and he was moaning so loud.

When he was done he was panting hard as if he'd just ran a marathon.

"Baby that was awesome. Thank you." I smiled at him and cuddled into his side.

"I love you and your welcome."I said yawning. He chuckled

"I love you to baby. Sweet dreams."I heard him say as I slipped into unconsciousness

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

A/N: so did u like?

you should really read the story "chop and change"' its a Bella and Edward fic.

recently read it and loved it. its a complete story. its really great. story is on my favorites list on my profile. go check it out.


	10. dinner

**It's late sorry!**!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~3~~~~~~~~

So the next day Edward had to go to work. I finally found out what he did for a living. He was a surgeon with his father.

I (unfortunately) had to spend the day looking for jobs in all the newspapers from the past week. When I had no

Luck again I decided that I should just go work out and then go do some grocery shopping.

So that's exactly what I did.

Edward got home around 6 after a long 12 hour shift.

"Hey, Edward are you ok?" He had dark shadows under his eyes and was kinda dragging around.

"Huh? Um yea I'm just tired and It was a long day."was his response. I wanted to make him feel better.

"Want a massage?"I asked sweetly.

"That would be wonderful baby."Edward said with a look in his eye I couldn't place.

We walked to the bedroom and Edward striped down to his boxers and I crawled onto his back wile squinting some lotion on my hands.

I rubbed my hands all down his back and shoulders. I did this for about an hour before I started to hear soft snores coming from his lips. I giggled lightly before hopping of his back and covering his. Body with covers.

I padded out of the room as quietly as I could without waking him and into the kitchen. I had been taking cooking classes during the day with the extra money I had from the coffee shop.

I was going to surprise Edward and make him dinner before he woke up.

I tried to think of the simplest thing we had learned to make in class which was spaghetti and got all my supplies and ingredients out. This wouldn't take long. Probably a little under an hour I knew. But I didn't know if Edward liked Alfredo, meat, or normal sauce Better, so I made them all.

After that was done and all the food was cooked I found the plates and set the table.

I was really hoping Edward would like it I had been trying so hard in my classes to get this stuff right. I wanted to make him proud of me.

I know it's pretty stupid to get so exited over making dinner for your boyfriend but I was.

I heard rustling in the next room and got a little nervous.

I saw Edward rush out hurriedly and run to the door with a pair of scribes on and I got confused.

"Edward, where are you going what's wrong,?" I was worried.

"There was a really bad wreck a little bit ago. There having people flown in by helicopter and ambulance. The need the extra help so I have to go, I'm so sorry but I will probably be there all night. Don't wait up. I love you!" He called as he ran to his car.

I can't say I wasn't disappointed because I was. I had been so exited to show Edward that I could do something and see what he thought about it.

But he was a doctor so I should have expected this was going to happen at some point. I'm not mad at him or anything it's just his job, he had to.

I went slowly back into the kitchen and made myself a plate with meat sauce. And I have to say it wasn't that bad. I just wish Edward was here to share the experience with me.

I finished my plate and washed it of putting it in the dishwasher. I put all the extra sauces in separate containers and labeled them. Before I put the spaghetti away I made a plate for Edward then put plastic wrap over it. I also made him a note and stuck it on the plate.

It said that their was sauce in there to and he could pick whichever one he wanted. It also said that I made it and to tell me what he thought.

After I did that I packed away all the food and did the dishes then I went to bed all my excitement from earlier gone.

I felt him come to bed and snuggle up with me awhile later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~3~~

I woke up to feather light kisses down my face and throught. I smiled and opened my eyes.

"Morning"I whispered.

"Morning beautiful." He said back.

"Is everything ok at the hospital?" I asked.

"Yeah we saved everyone, thank God." He said smiling back at me." By the way way your spaghetti was delicious. I had seconds."He said with a grin. I smiled and blushed.

"Did you really like it?"I asked hopeful.

"I did. But I have to say I kind of feel bad that you went through all that trouble and we didn't even get to eat it together."

"Its fine it was no trouble at all you had to work that's ok, plus I can always make something tonight and we can eat together."I said smiling he him.

"Ok, let's Do that."Edward said.

We spent the e rest of the day just laying around until Edward had to go to work. Then I cleaned and started to make dinner before he got home this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~3~~~~

**Like or not**?


	11. AN:

I'm so sorry but I will not be updating for about two weeks I have Bible school this week and then I go on vacation next week. SO I will update as soon as I can. :)


	12. IM SO SO SORRY!

Hey so I'm sorry but I'm putting this story on HIATUS for awhile. I'm just not that invested in it anymore. Plus writers block and I'm so so sorry. I'm not really sure that this story was that popular anyway. And I just lost ideas for the direction it should go. BUT I promise that I will finish it in the future and I'm not goin to delete it.

I'm starting another story though. And I have put a lot more thought into this one. I already have the first few ch. Written but still need to upload them. The name of it is FAMILY TIES. Please check it out and give me your thoughts about it.

Again I'm sorry but I will not leave it unfinished forever and promise I will start writing it again sometime this year.

Thank you to anyone who has been reading since and also to everyone who has commented.

Love all of you! :)


End file.
